mind

The Search

/ A. Gouedard / Leave a comment

souls,
no longer with a beating heart,
drift in silent patterns now
far apart from memory
at rest in universals dreams they share,
heedless of a when or where,
uncaring of a how or why,
unknowing of the present I

returning to defining space,
given back a mind and face,
what they forget,
and what they know,
is still a shadow in the mind
constellations intertwined
create a tribe invisible,
as searching down the road we go

true foundations are so few
in matters solid, temporal.

when I return,
unknowing what it is I do,
I will find,
along the way,
that I will always
search for you

Little Peace

/ A. Gouedard / Leave a comment

with a double-ended stick
chance pokes at me
right off the chart
right off the map
can i be blamed
for not trusting that,
when it can shatter my world?

frying pan; liar
true-teller; fire
just about sums it up

why should it be, that in telling the truth,
the people that mean the most to me
are the ones that trust me the least?

protecting themselves
from the beast
i suppose
and who can blame them
for that

shackled by earth
from the day of my birth
my mind has done battle
to keep my heart free
a life-sentenced prisoner
i long for release
or a little grace-given peace

Nothing at all

/ A. Gouedard / Leave a comment

all our conversations
are becoming like this.
what are you thinking?
nothing of importance
what are you doing?
nothing right now
what were you doing last night?
nothing much
is anything wrong?
Nothing at all

i can’t fathom your tone
nothing is not an empty void
it fills the room
it’s so real I can’t breathe
then you say if you knew me
you wouldn’t be asking questions.
i thought you knew me completely

you don’t say what you have on your mind
you tell me nothing serious is happening
you say so much amidst your questions
you ask if I should have been an actor?
what the hell do you mean by that?

you ask can I find what I’m looking for here
and suggest I am lost in my dreams
not all can get lost in fantasy, you say
like its a blessing, and i get an award

you think I can’t see.
i see the nuance.
you insinuate
as you circle
herding me in
with maybe it’s this
and maybe it’s that

i am becoming impatient
this is becoming ridiculous
i say in exasperation
maybe i should have run off with a clown
maybe i should have been lead singer
when i played in a band back then
i start to feel sarcastic
and I don’t like the way i sound

maybe i am not looking for anything
did you think of that?
i followed a path that lead me here
if wishes were horses I’d be riding
but I’m not wishing
I am trying to write a poem
sitting by a river
it can help sometimes
and that’s what I do

yes, sure i get sad, who doesn’t
but it’s never that nature no longer delights me
I don’t forget the glory, even when it’s hidden
behind a day in the grey, with no shine
the trees against the clouds still have grace
i am thinking of what i am seeing

the wind that blows blow all away
that’s where I am,
that’s what I am doing
that’s who I am
Nothing at all

Travel Tales # 3 ~ Connections

/ A. Gouedard / Leave a comment

Here is an example of the funny way the mind sometimes has of leaping from one place to another.   I stopped writing just now, for just a moment to make a cup of tea, and just as I sat back down the very first image that popped into my head was a morning about five years ago and, going out one Sunday morning to get some milk from the nearby shop, I saw flowers laid out on the pavement at the corner.  A young man had inexplicably driven his car off the road, over the pavement and into a brick wall and was killed.  He wasn’t drunk, there was nothing wrong with the brakes or the steering and, according to the local paper later in the week he wasn’t suicidal.  But he was dead.  This sudden memory has absolutely nothing to do with what I am writing about.  I wasn’t thinking about cars, death, young men or flowers while I was making my cup of tea.  Maybe in a couple of years I might suddenly realise that having this thought at this moment was very significant indeed but right now I don’t think there is any connection at all. It might be good to know.