Undefeated

All windows locked, no door, no sanctuary,
no hopes, no kindness, all dreams your nightmares
in this world, of your creation, only you
spreading your despair

Locking loveliness away with bitter hate,
dread fate, you hover over me, a demon.
Is this the best that you can find to hurt me?
I have my own mask

Masked and silent, with my stomach clenched in fear
I fly a million miles away, never near.
You shut me in a darkened room, I vanish
I wear my own wings

You cannot reach inside my mind, never will.
There is a light you can’t extinguish. It burns,
buried under night, it glimmers softly still.
I have my own light

You mistook me long for one who cannot see.
I know you, I see you struggling in your hell.
I cannot help you, break the spell or reach you.
I can’t set you free

I will go from here one day. I’ll forget you.
You’ll remember how I tried to bring you light.
No doubt you’ll see that as a greater torment.
I won’t be haunted

When I escape, the sun will shine the brighter
in a world that’s new to me, reborn from dark,
clearer, stronger, its definitions sharper.
This is not defeat.

Alphabet

At school I sat and stared at squiggles
Because I never read a word
Confusing shapes like spider legs.
Dunces cap cast its shadow
Enough to make ambition freeze
Failure seemed a certain end.
Growing, shrinking, twisting, curving
How could I make sense of words
Inspiration hovered round
Just out of reach, across a bridge
Kept away from me by nerves.
Love of story drove me on.
Maybe one day I would write.
No idea where to start
Opening books to begin.
Poetry awaited me.
Questions filled my childish mind,
Romantic notions, heroes tales,
Secret places hid in dreams.
Time ran on, escaping fools,
Under teachers piercing eye.
Visions were distracting me.
Wrong again. I muttered, stammered.
X X X wrong wrong wrong
‘You are very slow’ she said
Zealous whip above my head

Now

don’t look back

may be sound advice

where should i look then

the door

the window

the floor

the keyboard?

there is nothing to see

here in this room

if i look back

i may find a new light

to shine on each moment

just passing

now

 

Yes

following the lane, walking up the hill

talking of our dreams, ambitions and hopes

yes, it was moonlight, yes, we were young then

this memory, so strong, always returns

 

i wonder why a momentary walk

comes back so clearly again and again

we wandered less than a mile in the dark

it held pure perfection, yes, it was love

 

yesterday the thought brought me a smile

today it hurts enough to make me cry

an image etched on my brain and my heart

yes, i grow tired remembering you

 

 

 

Toss a Coin

I sang my heart out in the summer street,
a child, happily singing to myself.
The street was empty. As if from heaven
a coin fell at my feet, shining in the sun.
My grandfather threw it from a window.
His secret. An early wrong impression.

I never have cared too much for money.
I never had very much either but
it’s an arrogance to say so, I think,
when I have enough food on my table
and a warm bed to crawl into at night,
free medical care and education

To say I have little is far from true.
I have what I earned. Maybe not my due.
Money has no flow, it’s stuck on a peak,
a thin trickle flowing down to dry earth.
In a hollow game where the odds are stacked
the rich give kind charity, after theft.

Oh yes, you can rise from poverty
if you are lucky. Work is not enough,
neither is merit. Poverty kills Will.
Try rising from the grind of the bottom
when hope has died generations ago,
it’s all a matter of accepting fate.

I have one picture in my head forever.
A party in the house of Dr. Prem.
He boasted to me that his name means Love.
He invited me around to admire his wealth.
He told me he donates to charity.
He practises yoga every day at dawn

Ah yes, a very fine man indeed was he.
Celebrating his daughters birthday
we had a fine meal too, ending with cake.
The cake was cut. We stood in a circle.
I passed a plate to the silent servant
”No, not her” he said. ”She’s Untouchable.”

Money brands everyone, blessed or untouched.
So enjoy your dinner in the restaurants
while the poor sleep rough on our city streets
in Agra, London, Paris, New York.
Don’t let them put their empty hand on you.
The bad luck of the poor may be catching

Fading Dream (an aubade)

bird song at the break of day

fails to end my sleeping journey

i resist the dawn to be with you

i saw you turning in a doorway

gesturing for me to stay

i feel you resting here beside me

in this other realm, we touch

my curtains shut away the sun

but time makes slaves of us all

i must face this day begun

each morning i must leave my dream

you whisper as i fade away

 

Gravity Defying

Fame is a bee, brown and gold,
It buzzes round the nectar.
Bees suck and work away all day,
Turning all to honey.

I would rather have fame
Than any amount of money

Fame has a song,
long and lasting,
A ballad played on silver strings
Mortality surpassing.
Death is so distressing!

I would rather have fame
Than any other blessing.

Fame has a sting, like any bee.
We are bound to our own fatality.
Poems may live on.
Ah that just one might last
Rising away from gravity
On the outstretched wings of fame.

Immortality.
Such precious wings!
Death defying.

 

~*~*~*~

inspired by ~

Fame is a bee. (1788)
by Emily Dickinson

Fame is a bee.

It has a song—

It has a sting—

Ah, too, it has a wing.

The Things You are Not

You don’t restrict me and clip my wings.
When I am moody you don’t walk out.
You don’t shout and scream at me.
You are not sarcastic, well not a lot.
Only when pushed to an outer limit.
You don’t ask me where I’ve been
When I stayed out late or went away.
You don’t demand more than I’ve got.
You don’t wake me from my dreams.
You don’t manipulate me or betray.
You’re not spiteful, never deceitful,
Not controlling, not conceited.
No passive aggression here.
You never said I can’t be free.
You’re not short of wit or integrity
Or a well-honed phrase that hits straight home.
You’re not without courage or honesty.
You never called me stupid, not once.
You’re not critical of me
But you’re not daft either.
You question me, yes, it makes me think.
I like to think. My thoughts become clearer.
I like your silences and your words
and the growth that peaceful calm can bring.
It’s all that you’re not that makes you dear.
It’s what you are not that draws me nearer.

No Roses

no need for butterflies and roses
no valentines, no pretty hearts
no cupids here, with flying arrows
no dear, I will never sing

a praise song to your beauty
no romance in tender words
i have nothing much to offer
i wont buy you gifts and things

don’t expect a honeymoon
i won’t give you wedding rings
nothing here is wrapped in ribbons
i make no eternal vow

respect i offer, honesty,
an ear that listens, this i bring
if you want this, hold it, keep it
it’s for you, take it now