I Never Knew

I never knew how true love was
Until after my father was gone
I never knew all the things he did
The care and kindness he hid

I never knew so many things
I drifted through life unaware
I thought I knew where I was going
Until my father was gone

He tested me
He challenged me
He was always there
The rock in a stormy sea

I never knew he was proud of me
Until those last years of Sunday leisure
How can you measure anything
Until it’s over and gone

Beyond the Mists

When Arthurs’ Golden Age had ended
and the country fell to mourn,
its true that some fair beauty faded
like the sparkling morning dew.
The earth took on a darker hue.
But I was one who bore him safely,
far away to other shores,
where the mists hung thick and shrouded,
and all good hearts can be renewed.

We sailed close and he was lifted
in our gentle loving arms.
We sang for him to soothe his sleep.
Our sails of gold and white were lovely.
On tender winds we sailed away
to the land where all know kindness
and the fair can ne’er grow old.
We of the Fae have understanding
of the tales to still unfold.

In the fabled land, Avilion,
Arthur sleeps the sleep of dreams.
We laid him in his Tomb to rest.
There, he awaits the day of waking,
in the land that’s ever blessed.

 

Balancing

such shadows come and fall on me
from joy to sorrow, like a switch
i fight to turn the light back on
i don’t know where the joy has gone

a single note in some old song
a word not said
a thought unwise
i try to see where i went wrong

the tender sweetness
on a breeze
can turn my heart
and make me freeze

and then i go and sit a while
and lean against a steady tree
and wait to smile again
and see

like the earth we reach for warmth
and the thirsty kiss of rain
all things in nature
are the same

it’s all a mirror of ourselves
dimmed and scratched
things unclear
and things not seen

this constant flow
of dark and light
is just the deep souls day and night
and the turning of the year

Owl

the distant moon is on the wane
circled round with frosted light
it shines upon the silvered grass
and lights the windows of the town
the rooftops wear a coat of white
the night is still, the lamps are lit
the diamond sprinkled stars shine down
the air is chill, the house is quiet
but i would wander back again
to old familiar paths and lanes
where hedgerows cloth the hidden walls
and up above the rounded hill
with all the land stretched out below
from wood to barn in silent flight
the owl swoops past in shadowed night

Magical Mystery Tour – a haibun of India

Early one March morning I step from my door into a chill spring day. Flocks of birds are gathering, swooping and swirling in hieroglyphs overhead. I lock the front door, adjusted the bag on my shoulder, wave to a neighbour and stroll through the well known streets to the station. The smell of strong coffee hangs in the air. This walk leads to India.

bright morning so clear
new day, new way, a journey
i walk with no maps

The train takes me onward to board a plane on a long-haul flight. Beyond the Black Sea I am crossing a desert at night. It all looks so empty down there below. It stretches for miles and miles with barely a light to shine out. The hostess hands out peanuts and warm damp facecloths as the Germans and Afghans start to argue in the seats behind me. They can’t agree on a price for porn. By the time the flight circles across the ocean to avoid Pakistan, it’s a fight.

a patient woman
dividing warring nations
just part of her job

i see only stars
a dark sea moves beneath us
i await the peace

At last I see India spread out beneath us, a planet of coloured lights. Pink, gold, green, red and blue lights in circles, stars and winding snakes wink up from rooftops and roadways. It’s a magical sight in the black velvet night. The plane sinks slowly lower and lower. I see palaces, rail tracks and slums as the heat rises to meet us.

city of beauty
brave delusions, illusions,
mandalas of light

Leaving the plane we enter an underground concrete hall, a subterranean world of passports and guards. At the airport exit at last, surrounded, encircled by a throng of staring faces and out-stretched arms, I smell the thick blue smoke of burning oil mixed with incense. A thousand taxi drivers want my fare to Delhi. I deliberately choose the worst car. I have my reasons. We bounce along over pot holes into the back streets and empty markets of Paharganj, near the train station, where I wake a porter in a cheap hotel and find a welcome bed for the rest of the night.

asleep to strange sounds
i am flying and falling
starlight into dust

I wake to the cooing of pigeons outside my window and the blaring of truck horns in the streets. I look out onto rooftops full of colourful washing, carpets spread over walls and women crouching,cooking. A secretive cat slinks past. I go out into the day of the crowded market, seeking breakfast and find an elephant. I have never met an elephant face to face in a street before. It’s ears are painted in patterns of pink and yellow. The man who rides it tells me to give the elephant a coin in the flat palm of my hand. The elephant gently takes the coin and passes it up to the man. I buy the elephant a banana and pass that too. The elephant eats it, gives me a long serious look and moves on.

the elephants trunk
three tender probing fingers
in a grey skin glove

I wander on into the bustling city. The traffic fumes, the scents of spices and the noise besiege all my senses. I pause at a second hand bookshop and buy poetry. I see children living in gutters beside street stalls festooned with flowers. I pass out coins and gather a crowd. Too surrounded I have to hurry away. I am bewildered. When dusk falls I find a tea stall by a temple away from the noise. I share tea with a sadhu and a peaceful white cow. The cow has kohl outlining its gentle brown eyes and a necklace of marigolds with a tinkling bell. I become lost in its eyes. It is as if we had met before in some other time and place. The crescent moon hovers above the temple.

my doorstep one day
now far away from my home
the journey begins

Realism

i am having an attack of realism
that enemy of joy
it’s good to have a reminder
now and then
of what it’s like
but only now and then

when the magic dies
even for a day
the world becomes quite grey
and love looks at me and leaves
it goes on holiday
all i wanted was a hand

i will close my eyes
to everything i want
and never speak
from this dark place
or explain to anyone
what it is i need

i wont beg and i wont bleed
that would not be nice
i wait for magic to return
it comes back when it will
with no regard to me
i guess that’s how it’s meant to be

i don’t have to be star-touched
or over the moon to survive
magical realism is all i want
or a smile in my direction
the balance will be fine
when the time is right

Have I Gone Mad, Heironymus?

if you can put a head to this strange tale
i’d be glad very glad to know it
i fell asleep and saw new eggs
flying with sails and propellers
if they were fragile they didn’t show it

i don’t walk on egg shells
how can i? they’re floating in the air
I didn’t care when i saw them there
there was something strange about it
redolent of sunny smiles

the night before was stranger still
full of piglets, flowers and silversmiths
dancing a quadrille, weaving under arches
as they pranced from place to place
underneath the stables

the first night of these three strange dreams
i saw an oak upon a hill alive with flickering lights
spreading along its branches
it shone against the sky
i felt alive, elated

and then it moved inside of me
illuminating arteries, rooted in my heart
a more beauteous thing i never saw
i sat myself beside my throbbing heart
admiring silver sparkles

if you can put a tale to this strange head
i’d be very glad to know it
i remember every detail but no words that I recall
it makes no sense at all to me
i only wonder if i show it

View from Ward 10

In the past the Oak and Rowan grew
In that place that once I knew
The Silver Birch and Elder too
In whispering rows behind me stood

From this window now I watch
One lone tree against the sky
As I wait for time to pass
Pressed against this frosted glass

If perchance a winter tree
Is the last I ever see
I hope the woods remember me.

Merry Yule

I wish you all a Merry Yule
Leave the office, field and school
And gather round the winter fire
Enjoy the pleasures you desire
Remember though the golden rule
And the purpose of the Yule
Bring your hearts to share with friends
This is the gift that never ends