A poem by Billy Collins

I had to post this because I remember that feeling too. Brilliant poem

On Turning Ten – Poem by Billy Collins

The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light–
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.

But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

Contactless

no one spoke a word to me
three days have past, since the last,
(a drunk outside the station
who wanted company)

in the shop I pay for milk
no hands to touch
no coins to pass
an electronic beep

contactless transaction
(shallow smiles)
(I could weep)
thanks is all we say

if I laid down
beside the road
and fell into deep sleep
it might bring some relief

but every day I walk for miles
to pass the time away
‘Is this the road to Coventry?’
‘They all are mate, I think’

 

 

 

*** being sent to Coventry is an expression or an action that means no-one will speak to you – you are excluded

 

Sad Roses

look at the roses

there is the vase

a symbol of passion

expensive perfection

force-grown under glass

and this is your gesture

of undying love?

a weed from the ditches

plucked

as you thought of me

out on your walk

would  show me far more

weeds persist

weeds push through

when the growing gets tough

your love without loyalty

isn’t

enough

 

 

 

 

Rue Des Barres

In the Paris Cafe

on Rue Des Barres

I see you are hungry.

You need a cold drink.

Your thirst isn’t quenched.

You flirt with the waiter,

who looks like Chagall

with his curved archer smile.

Nothing is wrong.

He responds to your mirth.

Your hands

the wings

of a trapped butterfly

flutter and flap.

You are trying to grip.

Your twinkling eyes and deep-seated desires

have more rising steam than the dish he presents.

You’re on fire.

It’s a sign of your burgeoning age.

But it’s not as late as you fear.

I take a sip of clear water

That’s all I now need.

I don’t want fancy wine anymore.

I am fine.

Lean back in your chair.

Relax at my side.

I have told you before

How deeply I care.

The future is certain, open and wide.

Questions of honour

Nimue Brown's avatarDruid Life

If a chap in a chivalric or mythic tale announces that his honour has been damaged in some way, you know there’s going to be a duel or other violence. His honour may have been damaged because he didn’t get the right cut of meat at the feast, or someone suggested his wife is not the prettiest woman in the history of the world. The speed of his horse may have been questioned, or some more obscure personal pride thing that no sensible person could have seen coming. And then, so that honour can be satisfied, pain must be inflicted, maybe even death. It’s a way of thinking about honour that has never made much sense to me.

For women, honour is usually framed in such stories as being all about not having sex, or only having sex with the man you are married to. The woman who has sex…

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O

words are not enough
i could draw a line of dots
expanding into O’s
each one larger, broader, wider than the last
until they spread and shifted shape
into one gigantic throbbing heart
to embrace us in its grasp

Disconnected

The black mirror you stare at so long and so hard
Has attached itself to the palm of your hand
To show you the breeding of chaos worldwide
And all that doesn’t belong to you
And all the things you want to own
And all the things you never will
As the moments pass by
The black screens flicker
Thousands of words and images fly
Bewitching your eyes
Numbing your brain
With half truths and lies
And glimpses of thoughts you’re too busy to grasp
As you peddle on cycles inside the gym
No sun, no rain, no air, no wind
You’ve forgotten where the real roads begin
You never look in anyone’s eyes

Be Lost

First be lost
And know that you are

Know nothing at all
Except what is wrong

Strip down to the bone
Let delusions be dead
With vanities and falsehoods
Flung to the floor.
Be a blank canvas,
Innocence restored.
A clean page
refreshed and renewed
after troubles, by age

With vigilant care
be sure where you tread
A clear path runs
Directly ahead

You have to be no-one
To see who you are

Vanished

Children believe they can vanish
As long as they can’t see the world

I go to the window curtain
I don’t look out on the world
The curtain flows to the floor
I wrap it around me and softly I sing
A new song of wandering words
My voice feels held in the curtain
It’s warm and it’s so secure

No doubt there’s a child shaped mass,
Wrapped in the velvet drape,
And my feet poke out on the floor.
I have no awareness of that,
Only the warmth in darkness
And the song of the wandering words.
I don’t exist anymore.